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by Emily Howard, Director of Communications

What do you do when you are about to lose someone you love? 

That is not a question we want to have to answer or even think about, but for most of us that moment is going to come sooner or later. That moment when an illness takes hold of a friend or family member and the prognosis means that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop what is coming. And while we recognize that cures are prayed for and sometimes miraculous things happen, we also know that sometimes it is just their time.

Our family was in this situation just a couple of weeks ago. My husband’s father was diagnosed with cancer back in September and, after several hospital visits, it was finally decided to stop treatments. Then it was two weeks of waiting. As helpless a situation as I can think of.

My husband, a fixer with a caring heart, asked over and over, “I don’t know what to do, what do I do?” 

I said, “Here's what you do. You go buy a box of chicken from Popeye’s and you go sit with them.”

Ladies in my church group asked the same, and I asked for prayers, food, and flower delivery. They sent barbecue from Jim and Nick's and a beautiful edible arrangement of fruit.

Because that’s what we do when we don’t know what to do, isn’t it? We offer our presence and prayers. We bring casseroles and fried chicken. We offer hugs and hand squeezes and funny stories about things that happened in the past. We sit in that shared space of love and helplessness together because as much as we talk about appreciating the life we have, it is inevitable that each of us will have that life end one day. 

This is called “ministry of presence,” and Jesus practiced it throughout his life. Jesus’ ministry of presence was his practical demonstration of love and compassion by being physically present with people, offering comfort and support. It says, “I see you.” It says, “you are not alone in this.”

Jesus showed us to not give in to helplessness. He did not tell us not to be sad or grieve our losses–Jesus wept, after all–but he did give us the example of providing the kind of support that offers solace to those who are hurting. 

If you have a loved one who is struggling or hurting in any way and you don’t know what to do, look to Jesus as the example. Ancient Israel did not have a Popeye’s but I know deep in my heart that if he was here today he would show up with a box of fried chicken.